Phew! A lot has happened since I last posted.
I finished chemo.....well the first round anyway.
I have been through surgery....and expansion (wow!).
I have been prepped for radiation.
And, I have started my second round of chemo.
The positive side of things is that my hair is growing back, my eyebrows are completely back and I have enough eyelashes to wear mascara again!
During my break from the blog I read The Silver Lining by Holley Jacobs. It is a great book by a nurse who journeyed through breast cancer. The order of her treatments was different than mine but it was good to know that what I went and am going through is pretty universal and could have even have been worse. Holley always looked for a silver lining and I have tried to do that as well. I tend to think of myself as a "glass half full" kind of girl rather than "a silver lining", but its all the same in the end. Although I enjoyed her book, there was not really much in the way of "bad" details that can come along with cancer treatment. She did share her ups and downs but I would like to share more of my details in hopes that other people can be prepared. The intent is not for people to know what I have gone through and feel sorry for me or think of me as some kind of hero (although thinking I am does help me get through the rough days;-), but to let people know there are good days, bad days and days in what feels like hell. However, the bad days pass and the good days out number them in the end.
I am ready to blog and share some more of my story, so stay tuned.
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Friday, January 3, 2014
First Round: Part 2
The second week after chemo went pretty well. I really felt great with a few exceptions that I would need to keep in mind going forward.
My nadir. This is a term that I was completely unaware of before it happened to me. It basically means the day(s) where all of your numbers are low. Your red blood count, white count, platelets, etc. This time actually came for me while in Target .....shopping, after all it was just days before Christmas, where else would I be. Thankfully, my mom was with me.
We were going right along minding out business, filling out cart, when I decided that I needed a snack. I had neglected to bring one with me so I just walked right over to the snack isle and opened a box of Triscuits and dug in. I munched for a couple of isles as we made our way to the girls department where I needed to get some pants for Ellory. I started to feel really light headed and just sat down right there in the floor of Target.
A few seconds later my doctor called to tell me that he had received the gene testing back and in fact I was positive for the breast cancer gene (more on that later). As I was sitting there in the floor, talking to the doctor, I was also directing my mom on which outfits and sizes to get for Ellory. Waste no time people, shop from the floor if you must :-) I guess I sat there for a good 7 or 8 minutes until I felt better and then quickly went to check out.
I mention this nadir thing because it is something that I really have to keep in mind. Typically it happens about 10 days after chemo. Mine happened 7 after the first time and then 5 days the second time. This is a time that I need to be careful because my numbers are low and I a susceptible to GERMS! Unfortunately, it is about the time that I was really starting to feel great and wanted to get out. Going forward I will just keep those handi wipes and anti-bac close by.
Another strange occurrence this second week was the mouth sores that I mentioned in an earlier post . I guess that I really expected them to just show up the day after chemo or when I was really feeling sick. Instead, they showed up about 9 days after. And, they did not show up in the form of "mouth" sores, mine were actually in my throat. For the most part my throat just felt raw and sore. I could kind of feel them back there and it was the worst when I was swallowing hard or crunchy things.
All things, considered I would rather have them in my throat than in my mouth. I am a talker and could not imagine having sores in my mouth that would inhibit my talking! The pain did get pretty bad when eating so I called the doc and they called in a prescription for Magic Mouthwash. I thought that was a really catchy name. Come to find out, that is the actual prescription name. It is basically a thick liquid laced with lidocaine that basically numbs your mouth and throat so that you can eat. There are no healing properties, just numbing. But it worked.
By the weekend I was back to my old self, maybe even better. I now had a realistic perspective on what I could expect surrounding chemo and knew that I would and COULD make it through. I spent the weekend getting the house and fridge ready for the next round that would take me down for a couple days.
I went into round two channelling MC Hammer "Let's Do It" and Brittany Spears "Hit Me Baby One More Time"! Let's do this thing.
I also walk around the house and randomly kick. The kids know it means that "we are kicking cancer's but"!
My nadir. This is a term that I was completely unaware of before it happened to me. It basically means the day(s) where all of your numbers are low. Your red blood count, white count, platelets, etc. This time actually came for me while in Target .....shopping, after all it was just days before Christmas, where else would I be. Thankfully, my mom was with me.
We were going right along minding out business, filling out cart, when I decided that I needed a snack. I had neglected to bring one with me so I just walked right over to the snack isle and opened a box of Triscuits and dug in. I munched for a couple of isles as we made our way to the girls department where I needed to get some pants for Ellory. I started to feel really light headed and just sat down right there in the floor of Target.
A few seconds later my doctor called to tell me that he had received the gene testing back and in fact I was positive for the breast cancer gene (more on that later). As I was sitting there in the floor, talking to the doctor, I was also directing my mom on which outfits and sizes to get for Ellory. Waste no time people, shop from the floor if you must :-) I guess I sat there for a good 7 or 8 minutes until I felt better and then quickly went to check out.
I mention this nadir thing because it is something that I really have to keep in mind. Typically it happens about 10 days after chemo. Mine happened 7 after the first time and then 5 days the second time. This is a time that I need to be careful because my numbers are low and I a susceptible to GERMS! Unfortunately, it is about the time that I was really starting to feel great and wanted to get out. Going forward I will just keep those handi wipes and anti-bac close by.
Another strange occurrence this second week was the mouth sores that I mentioned in an earlier post . I guess that I really expected them to just show up the day after chemo or when I was really feeling sick. Instead, they showed up about 9 days after. And, they did not show up in the form of "mouth" sores, mine were actually in my throat. For the most part my throat just felt raw and sore. I could kind of feel them back there and it was the worst when I was swallowing hard or crunchy things.
All things, considered I would rather have them in my throat than in my mouth. I am a talker and could not imagine having sores in my mouth that would inhibit my talking! The pain did get pretty bad when eating so I called the doc and they called in a prescription for Magic Mouthwash. I thought that was a really catchy name. Come to find out, that is the actual prescription name. It is basically a thick liquid laced with lidocaine that basically numbs your mouth and throat so that you can eat. There are no healing properties, just numbing. But it worked.
By the weekend I was back to my old self, maybe even better. I now had a realistic perspective on what I could expect surrounding chemo and knew that I would and COULD make it through. I spent the weekend getting the house and fridge ready for the next round that would take me down for a couple days.
I went into round two channelling MC Hammer "Let's Do It" and Brittany Spears "Hit Me Baby One More Time"! Let's do this thing.
I also walk around the house and randomly kick. The kids know it means that "we are kicking cancer's but"!
Friday, December 13, 2013
The First Round of Treatment: Part 1
Today markes 11 days since my first chemo treatment, and boy and I glad I waited to blog about everything that happened until today. These past few days have really been a roller coaster ride but I have now come full circle and can say that I am absolutely ready to do it all again.....not that I would choose to but I am ready.
Day 1: Day of Chemo
I was ready I went into the treatment center accompanied by my mom and best friend Allison. They drew some blood, I met with my doctor (and PA and nurse navigator...they really gave me a send off) and then went to get hooked up.
I didn't realize until after the fact that they spent the first hour and fifteen minutes pumping me up with anti-nausea meds and steroids. The actual chemo only took about 40 minutes. The first chemo drug, the red one, was pushed into the IV over the course of 10 minutes. This particular drug is the one that causes most of the nasty side effects, specifically hair loss. The second drug was put in a drip for 30 minutes. I did start to feel a little funny sitting there but who knows if that was the drug or just me being crazy.
My other bestie, Ashley, joined up at some point and I think that we were the rowdy corner of the room. We laughed and talked and pretty much acted like we were out to dinner....not getting chemo.
I left the cancer center feeling pretty good. Mom and I headed to lunch. After that I was still feeling pretty good and went to see about getting Britton some indoor soccer shoes. After all, I am still and mom and there are errands to be run. After about 20 minutes in the store I started to feel a bit off and decided we needed to head home.
I got home and immediately went to bed. I dozed on and off until it was time to go to Tucker's 6th birthday party. I had booked the party several weeks before at DefyGravity. They were taking care of everything and I just needed to make an appearance. My family and friends were pretty much covering the party and I felt like I just needed to be there for a little bit of time. In hindsight, that was a bad idea. I am not sure if it was getting up and out or the 2 bites of birthday cake that I ate, but by the time I got home I was feeling horrible. I had taken nausea medication #1 (there is an entire color coded spreadsheet for the 3 take home anti-nausea medications) before the party as a preventative. I took med #2 when I got home and it knocked me completely out! Thank goodness.
Day 2: The Day After
This is the day that I expected to be awful. I had heard from people that the day after chemo is the worst. I slept most of the day, drank as much as I could and ate when I should. I was basically horizontal the entire day. I was a bit queezy but did not need any of my meds.
Day 3: The Sun Peeks through
I spent most of the morning and early afternoon on the couch in and out of sleep. By the afternoon I was feeling a little bit better and could stay awake longer. I got up and few times and even took a short walk. I was moving around when a sweet friend brought dinner. After that I had had enough and went back to bed. In the middle of the night I woke up feeling pretty bad and took some meds to get back to sleep.
On these couple days I mostly felt extremely tired. I was really like being pregnant times 10. The nausea was not so bad but I really had to think like a pregnant person about it. If I felt sick I ate, when I woke up I had a cracker before moving. Food was my key. It really didn't seem logical to eat when my stomach felt upset but that was the key. The nausea was not going to pass, I had to help it go away.
My head also had the strangest feeling these couple days. It felt like my brain was 3 times as heavy in my skull as normal. I really would have appreciated someone just carrying around my head for me becuase it felt almost too much to do. My eyelids were also VERY heavy. At one point I remember telling either my kids of my mom, I can still hear you and want to talk with you but I really need to do it with my eyes closed. It was so weird. I had been told I would be tired, but for someone that regularly goes on 6 or so hours of sleep and barely sits down to eat during the day this was crazy. I could not even muster the strength to watch TV and reading, even a magazine article, seemed next to impossible.
Day 4 & 5: The headache sets in
And when I say headache I mean killer headache. I have come to appreciate that it was probably a combination of the cold turkey on the caffeine (I was drinking two BIG cups of coffee in the morning and having a sweet tea every afternoon) and the steroids that probably did me in. The pounding in my temples and behind my eyes was awful. For these days the headaches was what was giving me the nausea. I was so sure that if I could get ride of the headache I would feel fine, a little tired but fine. Take some Advil you might say, well I thought of that but didn't want to take too much because of my already sensitive stomach. I did try but it didn't seem to help.
During the days after chemo, I did try very hard to eat and drink. I didn't want much. I ate mostly potatoes and beef barley soup. I listened to my body and ate what it was craving. That absolutely did not include any sweets at all....sort of sad. I didn't really want fruits of veggies either (both staples before). I was a meat and potatoes girl for a few days and I was going to go with it.
Looking back, all in all that first week was ok. I am not sure that I would have told you that going through it but now with perspective I can look back and say that it was ok.
On about Thursday I did start to get pretty down on myself and starting thinking ahead and got a little bit scared. I started to think. OMG I have to do this again.....how am I going to do this again....I have to do this 7 MORE TIMES! I guess I thought that by Friday I would be back to sort of normal and feel much better than I did, but I didn't. I was getting worried that I was not going to make it. The headaches were still there and I thought they might not go away. The tiredness was crazy and I thought that might be forever too.
BUT, just 5 days later I am back to my old self and doing GREAT!!!!!! I would dare to say that I might even feel better today than I did 2 weeks ago. I know what to expect. I know what it going to happen. And most importantly, I know that I will be back to my old self if I give it enough time! I am so happy that I would love to go and have a martini....sadly I can not because of the mouth sores, but more on that in another post.
Day 1: Day of Chemo
I was ready I went into the treatment center accompanied by my mom and best friend Allison. They drew some blood, I met with my doctor (and PA and nurse navigator...they really gave me a send off) and then went to get hooked up.
I didn't realize until after the fact that they spent the first hour and fifteen minutes pumping me up with anti-nausea meds and steroids. The actual chemo only took about 40 minutes. The first chemo drug, the red one, was pushed into the IV over the course of 10 minutes. This particular drug is the one that causes most of the nasty side effects, specifically hair loss. The second drug was put in a drip for 30 minutes. I did start to feel a little funny sitting there but who knows if that was the drug or just me being crazy.
My other bestie, Ashley, joined up at some point and I think that we were the rowdy corner of the room. We laughed and talked and pretty much acted like we were out to dinner....not getting chemo.
I left the cancer center feeling pretty good. Mom and I headed to lunch. After that I was still feeling pretty good and went to see about getting Britton some indoor soccer shoes. After all, I am still and mom and there are errands to be run. After about 20 minutes in the store I started to feel a bit off and decided we needed to head home.
I got home and immediately went to bed. I dozed on and off until it was time to go to Tucker's 6th birthday party. I had booked the party several weeks before at DefyGravity. They were taking care of everything and I just needed to make an appearance. My family and friends were pretty much covering the party and I felt like I just needed to be there for a little bit of time. In hindsight, that was a bad idea. I am not sure if it was getting up and out or the 2 bites of birthday cake that I ate, but by the time I got home I was feeling horrible. I had taken nausea medication #1 (there is an entire color coded spreadsheet for the 3 take home anti-nausea medications) before the party as a preventative. I took med #2 when I got home and it knocked me completely out! Thank goodness.
Day 2: The Day After
This is the day that I expected to be awful. I had heard from people that the day after chemo is the worst. I slept most of the day, drank as much as I could and ate when I should. I was basically horizontal the entire day. I was a bit queezy but did not need any of my meds.
Day 3: The Sun Peeks through
I spent most of the morning and early afternoon on the couch in and out of sleep. By the afternoon I was feeling a little bit better and could stay awake longer. I got up and few times and even took a short walk. I was moving around when a sweet friend brought dinner. After that I had had enough and went back to bed. In the middle of the night I woke up feeling pretty bad and took some meds to get back to sleep.
On these couple days I mostly felt extremely tired. I was really like being pregnant times 10. The nausea was not so bad but I really had to think like a pregnant person about it. If I felt sick I ate, when I woke up I had a cracker before moving. Food was my key. It really didn't seem logical to eat when my stomach felt upset but that was the key. The nausea was not going to pass, I had to help it go away.
My head also had the strangest feeling these couple days. It felt like my brain was 3 times as heavy in my skull as normal. I really would have appreciated someone just carrying around my head for me becuase it felt almost too much to do. My eyelids were also VERY heavy. At one point I remember telling either my kids of my mom, I can still hear you and want to talk with you but I really need to do it with my eyes closed. It was so weird. I had been told I would be tired, but for someone that regularly goes on 6 or so hours of sleep and barely sits down to eat during the day this was crazy. I could not even muster the strength to watch TV and reading, even a magazine article, seemed next to impossible.
Day 4 & 5: The headache sets in
And when I say headache I mean killer headache. I have come to appreciate that it was probably a combination of the cold turkey on the caffeine (I was drinking two BIG cups of coffee in the morning and having a sweet tea every afternoon) and the steroids that probably did me in. The pounding in my temples and behind my eyes was awful. For these days the headaches was what was giving me the nausea. I was so sure that if I could get ride of the headache I would feel fine, a little tired but fine. Take some Advil you might say, well I thought of that but didn't want to take too much because of my already sensitive stomach. I did try but it didn't seem to help.
During the days after chemo, I did try very hard to eat and drink. I didn't want much. I ate mostly potatoes and beef barley soup. I listened to my body and ate what it was craving. That absolutely did not include any sweets at all....sort of sad. I didn't really want fruits of veggies either (both staples before). I was a meat and potatoes girl for a few days and I was going to go with it.
Looking back, all in all that first week was ok. I am not sure that I would have told you that going through it but now with perspective I can look back and say that it was ok.
On about Thursday I did start to get pretty down on myself and starting thinking ahead and got a little bit scared. I started to think. OMG I have to do this again.....how am I going to do this again....I have to do this 7 MORE TIMES! I guess I thought that by Friday I would be back to sort of normal and feel much better than I did, but I didn't. I was getting worried that I was not going to make it. The headaches were still there and I thought they might not go away. The tiredness was crazy and I thought that might be forever too.
BUT, just 5 days later I am back to my old self and doing GREAT!!!!!! I would dare to say that I might even feel better today than I did 2 weeks ago. I know what to expect. I know what it going to happen. And most importantly, I know that I will be back to my old self if I give it enough time! I am so happy that I would love to go and have a martini....sadly I can not because of the mouth sores, but more on that in another post.
Friday, December 6, 2013
The Background
Wow! First round of chemo is over and I am ready to share the back story of my cancer diagnosis.
In the spring of 2012 I found a lump, not a big deal but a lump. I was going for my annual checkup in a few days so I decided to let the doctor give me some direction. He wanted to send me for a mammogram and then ultrasound.
I dutifully showed up to the mammogram and ultrasound. They asked all the questions about family history and my history during the appointment. I knew at the time that my paternal-grandmother had died of cancer when my dad was in high-school. I also knew that 2 of my dad's second cousins and successfully fought breast cancer years earlier, but no one asks about your 2nd cousins on medical history. The appointment went as normal until the ultrasound. The 1st technician called in a second technician and the two discussed me in quite as they worked the machine. They left to find the radiologist and I lay their thinking "oh gosh, something must be wrong." A few LONG minutes later the radiologist came back into the room. He looked me in the eye and said "you have dense tissue". I am sure there were some other words either before or after those but to me he said you have nothing to worry about. I had four small children and I left that office with not a care in the world. I WAS FINE!!
Fast forward 15 months......That lump just sat there and over time I noticed that I was more tender. But, they told me I had dense tissue and maybe that is just the way it was going to be.
The beginning of November 2013 I noticed that the lymph nodes under my right arm (same side as the lump) were beginning to swell. I am no doctor, but know enough to know that was not good. Upon recommendation from my bestie I called my doctor back and asked to be referred to Wake Radiology. I went for the second mammogram and ultrasound on Thursday, November 14th.
The wonderful radiologist came back into the room after the ultrasound and was very kind and stern at the same time. She told me that she had sent the results of my tests back to my doctor and that she recommended that a biopsy be the next step. She was very serious in her talk but also gave me that little unspoken nudge for me to know that this was serious. That was Thursday afternoon around 3:30.
Life as normal went on the next day. Kids off to school. Me off to work. Work all morning.....all along my phone ringing and ringing and ringing. Surely this could wait a couple hours. When I finally checked my messages it was my doctor calling for the 3rd time....from his cell phone. He had called in a favor and took the liberty to schedule an appointment with a surgeon friend that afternoon at 1. Could I make the appointment? Sure, it was just down the road and I had 30 minutes to spare.
Jeff and I got to the surgeons office and I filled out the pile of paperwork for a new patient. I walked into the office and the nurse told me that the doctor wanted to go ahead and to a biopsy. Whoa! Ok, I thought that would be fine....I guess. The biopsy was not the most comfortable thing in the world, but a least we got the ball rolling before the weekend. A follow up appointment was set for Wednesday afternoon the next week.
At some point over the weekend, I came to realize that when I went back into that office on Wednesday that the doctor was going to tell me that I had CANCER. I had my brief moment and then decided that "It is what it is." That would be my mantra that would get me through the next days of crazy appointments and doctors and big medical words.
I learned on Wednesday, November 20th that I did in fact have breast cancer. And at best guess it was stage 3. Looking back on that day, I thank God that he gave me the peace with hearing cancer before I actually heard cancer. It gave me the clarity of mind to hear and understand all of the other things that the doctor told me after he said cancer.
The next day I had an appointment with another surgeon who I knew was the best (thanks again to my bestie Ashley Elmore for knowing who I needed to see to get the best care). Dr. Tolnitch was the surgeon that I wanted to stick with and she worked her magic to get me in with the Dr. Yoffee, my oncologist. According to several people from different business walks of life...I was now in the best hands.
In the spring of 2012 I found a lump, not a big deal but a lump. I was going for my annual checkup in a few days so I decided to let the doctor give me some direction. He wanted to send me for a mammogram and then ultrasound.
I dutifully showed up to the mammogram and ultrasound. They asked all the questions about family history and my history during the appointment. I knew at the time that my paternal-grandmother had died of cancer when my dad was in high-school. I also knew that 2 of my dad's second cousins and successfully fought breast cancer years earlier, but no one asks about your 2nd cousins on medical history. The appointment went as normal until the ultrasound. The 1st technician called in a second technician and the two discussed me in quite as they worked the machine. They left to find the radiologist and I lay their thinking "oh gosh, something must be wrong." A few LONG minutes later the radiologist came back into the room. He looked me in the eye and said "you have dense tissue". I am sure there were some other words either before or after those but to me he said you have nothing to worry about. I had four small children and I left that office with not a care in the world. I WAS FINE!!
Fast forward 15 months......That lump just sat there and over time I noticed that I was more tender. But, they told me I had dense tissue and maybe that is just the way it was going to be.
The beginning of November 2013 I noticed that the lymph nodes under my right arm (same side as the lump) were beginning to swell. I am no doctor, but know enough to know that was not good. Upon recommendation from my bestie I called my doctor back and asked to be referred to Wake Radiology. I went for the second mammogram and ultrasound on Thursday, November 14th.
The wonderful radiologist came back into the room after the ultrasound and was very kind and stern at the same time. She told me that she had sent the results of my tests back to my doctor and that she recommended that a biopsy be the next step. She was very serious in her talk but also gave me that little unspoken nudge for me to know that this was serious. That was Thursday afternoon around 3:30.
Life as normal went on the next day. Kids off to school. Me off to work. Work all morning.....all along my phone ringing and ringing and ringing. Surely this could wait a couple hours. When I finally checked my messages it was my doctor calling for the 3rd time....from his cell phone. He had called in a favor and took the liberty to schedule an appointment with a surgeon friend that afternoon at 1. Could I make the appointment? Sure, it was just down the road and I had 30 minutes to spare.
Jeff and I got to the surgeons office and I filled out the pile of paperwork for a new patient. I walked into the office and the nurse told me that the doctor wanted to go ahead and to a biopsy. Whoa! Ok, I thought that would be fine....I guess. The biopsy was not the most comfortable thing in the world, but a least we got the ball rolling before the weekend. A follow up appointment was set for Wednesday afternoon the next week.
At some point over the weekend, I came to realize that when I went back into that office on Wednesday that the doctor was going to tell me that I had CANCER. I had my brief moment and then decided that "It is what it is." That would be my mantra that would get me through the next days of crazy appointments and doctors and big medical words.
I learned on Wednesday, November 20th that I did in fact have breast cancer. And at best guess it was stage 3. Looking back on that day, I thank God that he gave me the peace with hearing cancer before I actually heard cancer. It gave me the clarity of mind to hear and understand all of the other things that the doctor told me after he said cancer.
The next day I had an appointment with another surgeon who I knew was the best (thanks again to my bestie Ashley Elmore for knowing who I needed to see to get the best care). Dr. Tolnitch was the surgeon that I wanted to stick with and she worked her magic to get me in with the Dr. Yoffee, my oncologist. According to several people from different business walks of life...I was now in the best hands.
Monday, December 2, 2013
And so it begins....
I started chemo today.
I have breast cancer.
Specifically, invasive lobular carcinoma, triple negative, stage 3c.
I started this blog so that friends and family could follow my journey and keep in touch through this long and winding journey that embarked on today. The journey actually began a couple weeks ago, but more about that in a later post.
During treatment and recovery I will post the good, the bad and the ugly here for everyone to see. I am sure there will also be some funny, there are 4 kids involved how can there not be funny.
After my first round of chemo I am doing good, feeling a little sleepy, but good.
Thank you to all the friends and family that have held me up this far, they give me strength and the focus that I need to get through this craziness. The journey will feel long but in the scheme of life really is short. The journey will be hard but in retrospect will only be a bump in the road. My faith in God, the love and support of friends and family, along with all my prayer warriors will see me through.
Stayed tuned folks. It's going to be a wild ride!
I have breast cancer.
Specifically, invasive lobular carcinoma, triple negative, stage 3c.
I started this blog so that friends and family could follow my journey and keep in touch through this long and winding journey that embarked on today. The journey actually began a couple weeks ago, but more about that in a later post.
During treatment and recovery I will post the good, the bad and the ugly here for everyone to see. I am sure there will also be some funny, there are 4 kids involved how can there not be funny.
After my first round of chemo I am doing good, feeling a little sleepy, but good.
Thank you to all the friends and family that have held me up this far, they give me strength and the focus that I need to get through this craziness. The journey will feel long but in the scheme of life really is short. The journey will be hard but in retrospect will only be a bump in the road. My faith in God, the love and support of friends and family, along with all my prayer warriors will see me through.
Stayed tuned folks. It's going to be a wild ride!
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